Every now and then, my mind wanders off into the depths of pettiness and stumbles upon something to develop a gripe about. After becoming sufficiently disgruntled, it then moves on to its next task (typically overthinking or self-doubt). Normally, such thoughts rapidly fade back into obscurity but, occasionally, one of them sticks with me and resurfaces with renewed contempt. So, “every now and then” is a phrase that popped into my mind sometime ago and has occupied a space ever since. Why, you ask? Because it betrays its own meaning. It’s supposed to mean “occasionally” or “infrequently” but the choice…
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After thinking about the whole concept of “doing what seems right at the time” to such an extent I started applying it more locally. This, in turn, led me to think about what it is to be human and noticing and appreciating the things that are potentially easily over-looked. What does it even mean to “be human”? I had been speaking with someone for a number of months and very early on it was clear to me that they were an incredible person. Given my life trajectory I was extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to meet them in person…
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So, I’m in a bit of a weird spot emotionally and I was just musing about the nature of life and decision making and, despite my inebriated state, I think I articulated it pretty well. This particular train of thought was initiated by a message written by myself where I was, if I’m being honest, a twat and deliberately fishing for further questioning so that I could open up, a ridiculous trait of mine which I need to fucking stop. Once sent, I started to overthink and worry about the potential consequences. I was worried they’d be, understandably, fed up…