After thinking about the whole concept of “doing what seems right at the time” to such an extent I started applying it more locally. This, in turn, led me to think about what it is to be human and noticing and appreciating the things that are potentially easily over-looked.
What does it even mean to “be human”? I had been speaking with someone for a number of months and very early on it was clear to me that they were an incredible person. Given my life trajectory I was extremely fortunate to have the opportunity to meet them in person and I was blown away by them. They’re funny, smart, intelligent, amibitious, driven, incredibly attractive and virtually every other positive adjective one can attribute to someone. But the thing that stood out to me is how “human” they are. As noted in my previous post, the eternal blessings and damnations unique to the human race are conciousness and feelings. While I think this is true, it could potentially be summarised in a more succinct way that already exists: humans are fallable. And, if we rephrase the essential meaning a little more, I think we can come up with something a bit more useful: humans have moral choice. You, me, everyone. We’re bombarded by life with an endless barrage of junctures at which we have to make a choice and we’re generally given very little time to decide even though those decisions can potentially have consequences that echo far into our futures.
We’re all victims of last-minute decision-making
Over the course of my interactions with them we opened up to one another. We told each other about those occasions where we had to make a decision at a time when the waters were severely muddied. For me, the mind and heart are feeding us with opinions and options, but if a decision hasn’t been made by crunch time our gut steps in with what it has available and just chooses. We had to go with our gut because we just didn’t have time to digest and interpret, and I find it infuriating that people are so judgmental and shallow minded – we are all, and I say that with absolute conviction and no one can convince me otherwise, victims of this last-minute decision-making at multiple points in our lives. It’s such a massive problem, being so judgmental and toxic about the decisions that other people make, because it only further muddies the waters and adds layers of complexity that makes it increasingly more difficult to tackle future issues, but, even more worryingly, it creates the need for people to self-isolate and retreat for fear of judgment or reprimand. This is a very real problem and I’ve experienced it myself; so few people have the ability to think critically and be open minded that you end up having to hide and bury your past due to being pre-emptively ashamed of it.
Despite all of this, they told me. They told me everything and these were things they couldn’t tell most of the people in their lives due to how much judgment and lack of understanding they’d be met with. Even people they had known for a long time that they should have a deep and long-standing connection with. I was so deeply saddened to learn this because I know exactly what they mean, what they’re going through, and the thoughts and feelings they’re having about this. I was also happy because it meant they saw something in me that told them I could be trusted and that I wouldn’t judge them or look upon them with a stained perspective. I found this so incredibly reassuring because that’s exactly the person I’m trying to be, or like to think I already am. I’m understanding, I’m soneone who can think beyond that surfce, low-resolution layer. I see things more deeply and think about things, I try to understand the situation and the people and the decisions instead of having an ill-informed knee jerk reaction, because, like I’ve said before, I’ve been there myself. So many times. I know what it’s like to be in weird positions, awkward positions, immoral positions, and to just do what we think we have to do to get through it with minimal negative impact given the current configuration of our lives.
Pay attention to the value of the people around you, their integrity and their morals. Someone truly human, someone fallable but not ashamed to admit to being so, is so incredibly rare and precious. They are people who are real, they live life, they know that it’s not simple. They are people that are self-aware and aware of others, true empaths. But also pay attention to how they value you. The things they tell you, the things they do and say, the emotion projected by their eyes. All of it, it tells you things about them and you without a word needing to be said. Such wordless declarations are worth more than anything, don’t overlook it and never try to apply logic to them. Never try to investigate the motives or meanings behind them because there is nothing more pure than what you’re told by others’ eyes.